Asian-American Couples

Our Study Book:  2003
Improving Communication in Your Marriage: Study Guide by Dr. Gary Rosberg and Barbara Rosberg

We are in session (Chapter #3) Page: 37
Communication 101Study Leaders:  Blaine and Itsuko Asato
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We are continuing our study “Communications In Your Marriage” Monday night on 17 March 2003, This session is on "Learning to use basic communications skills will enhance understanding within your marriage. We are starting this week with the Second Component of our basic communications skills: "Listening".  it starts on Page 40 of your books.

Home Builders Principles
You can foster positive communications in your marriage by using basic communications skills - Expressing,  Listening, and Responding.

Practice being in the spotlight spend a full 5 minutes being in the spotlight and explaining something for the full 5 minutes.  
6.  How did you feel when you were the one talking for the five minutes?  How did you feel as you were listening?

7.  Read James 1:19-20  My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  What makes being a good listener so difficult?
 

8.  Think of two or three good listeners you know.  How do you feel about spending time with them?  Why do you think that is so?

Listening is not easy to do.  Often we want to jump in and give advice or fix the problem.  However, listening carefully is the key to really understanding your spouse's true feeling.

The First Component: Expressing

The Second Component: Listening

The Third Component: Responding
 

Make a Date
 

The Second Component: Listening
Prov 18:13 He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame.

Luke 2:46  After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.

Luke 10:38-39   As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.

Prov 1:5-6   let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance--   6 for understanding proverbs and parables,

Prov 4:20-22  My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.  21 Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;  22 for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. 

Prov 5:13-14  I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.  14 I have come to the brink of utter ruin 
in the midst of the whole assembly." 

The First Component: Expressing

Prov 16:16
How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver! NIV
Prov 24:3
By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; NIV
James 3:3-12
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 
4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.    6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 
8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 
10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 
11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 
12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?  Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.NIV

In this part of the chapter we are required,

I. To restrain the workings of passion. This lesson we should learn under afflictions; and this we shall learn if we are indeed begotten again by the word of truth. For thus the connection stands-An angry and hasty spirit is soon provoked to ill things by afflictions, and errors and ill opinions become prevalent through the workings of our own vile and vain affections; but the renewing grace of God and the word of the gospel teach us to subdue these: Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, v. 19. This may refer,

1. To the word of truth spoken of in the verse foregoing. And so we may observe, It is our duty rather to hear God's word, and apply our minds to understand it, than to speak according to our own fancies or the opinions of men, and to run into heat and passion thereupon. Let not such errors as that of God's being the occasion of men's sin ever be hastily, much less angrily, mentioned by you (and so as to other errors); but be ready to hear and consider what God's word teaches in all such cases.

2. This may be applied to the afflictions and temptations spoken of in the beginning of the chapter. And then we may observe, It is our duty rather to hear how God explains his providences, and what he designs by the, than to say as David did in his haste, I am cut off; or as Jonah did in his passion, I do well to be angry. Instead of censuring God under our trials, let us open our ears and hearts to hear what he will say to us.

3. This may be understood as referring to the disputes and differences that Christians, in those times of trial, were running into among themselves: and so this part of the chapter may be considered without any connection with what goes before. Here we may observe that, whenever matters of difference arise among Christians, each side should be willing to hear the other. People are often stiff in their own opinions because they are not willing to hear what others have to offer against them: whereas we should be swift to hear reason and truth on all sides, and be slow to speak any thing that should prevent this: and, when we do speak, there should be nothing of wrath; for a soft answer turneth away wrath. As this epistle is designed to correct a variety of disorders that existed among Christians, these words, swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, may be very well interpreted according to this last explication. And we may further observe from them that, if men would govern their tongues, they must govern their passions. When Moses's spirit was provoked, he spoke unadvisedly with his lips. If we would be slow to speak, we must be slow to wrath.

II. A very good reason is given for suppressing: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God, v. 20. It is as if the apostle had said, "Whereas men often pretend zeal for God and his glory, in their heat and passion, let them know that God needs not the passions of any man; his cause is better served by mildness and meekness than by wrath and fury." Solomon says, The words of the wise are heard in quiet, more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools, Eccl 9:17. Dr. Manton here says of some assemblies, "That if we were as swift to hear as we are ready to speak there would be less of wrath, and more of profit, in our meetings. I remember when a Manichee contested with Augustine, and with importunate clamour cried, Hear me! hear me! the father modestly replied, Nec ego te, nec tu me, sed ambo audiamus apostolum-Neither let me hear thee, nor do thou hear me, but let us both hear the apostle." The worst thing we can bring to a religious controversy is anger. This, however it may pretend to be raised by a concern for what is just and right, is not to be trusted. Wrath is a human thing, and the wrath of man stands opposed to the righteousness of God. Those who pretend to serve the cause of God hereby show that they are acquainted neither with God or his cause. This passion must especially be watched against when we are hearing the word of God. See 1 Peter 2:1-2.

III. We are called upon to suppress other corrupt affections, as well as rash anger: Lay aside all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, v. 21. The word here translated filthiness signifies those lusts which have the greatest turpitude and sensuality in them; and the words rendered superfluity of naughtiness may be understood of the overflowings of malice or any other spiritual wickednesses. Hereby we are taught, as Christians, to watch against, and lay aside, not only those more gross and fleshly dispositions and affections which denominate a person filthy, but all the disorders of a corrupt heart, which would prejudice it against the word and ways of God. Observe,
1. Sin is a defiling thing; it is called filthiness itself.
2. There is abundance of that which is evil in us, to be watched against; there is superfluity of naughtiness.
3. It is not enough to restrain evil affections, but they must be cast from us, or laid apart. Isa 30:22, Thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth; thou shalt say, Get you hence.
4. This must extend not only to outward sins, and greater abominations, but to all sin of thought and affection as well as speech and practice; pasan rhyparian-all filthiness, every thing that is corrupt and sinful.
5. Observe, from the foregoing parts of this chapter, the laying aside of all filthiness is what a time of temptation and affliction calls for, and is necessary to the avoiding of error, and the right receiving and improving of the word of truth: for,

IV. We are here fully, though briefly, instructed concerning hearing the word of God.
1. We are required to prepare ourselves for it (v. 21), to get rid of every corrupt affection and of every prejudice and prepossession, and to lay aside those sins which pervert the judgment and blind the mind. All the filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, before explained, must, in an especial manner, be subdued and cast off, by all such as attend on the word of the gospel.
2. We are directed how to hear it: Receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
(1.) In hearing the word of God, we are to receive it-assent to the truths of it-consent to the laws of it; receive it as the stock does the graft; so as that the fruit which is produced may be, not according to the nature of the sour stock, but according to the nature of that word of the gospel which is engrafted into our souls.
(2.) We must therefore yield ourselves to the word of God, with most submissive, humble, and tractable tempers: this is to receive it with meekness. Being willing to hear of our faults, and taking it not only patiently, but thankfully, desiring also to be molded and formed by the doctrines and precepts of the gospel.
(3.) In all our hearing we should aim at the salvation of our souls. It is the design of the word of God to make us wise to salvation; and those who propose any meaner or lower ends to themselves in attending upon it dishonour the gospel and disappoint their souls. We should come to the word of God (both to read it and hear it), as those who know it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth, Rom 1:16.
(from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible: New Modern Edition, Electronic Database. Copyright (c) 1991 by Hendrickson Publishers, Inc.)

We will take Prayer Request: 

Here are this week's prayer requests: 

Walt & Rosie . . . 
1) - Pray for our son Mike as he travels on a cruise.
2).  Pray for our niece Becky Go who is in California studying for the NCLEX to pass for becoming a Register Nurse.
3).  Pray for all the US military going into Jolo Sulu to defend against the terrorist there.  Specifically, Pray for Marine  Lieutenant Tony Rogers who will lead our Marines there.
4).  Pray for Pauline Wang as she continues to build her life and understand God's plan.
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Harris and Madeline . . . 
1). Praise for the fact that Harris' sister Elizebeth had a healthy baby.
2). Pray for Madline's Mom Evelyn who is traveling back to Jolo, Sulu.
3). Pray for Monia's Father who has been in and out of the hospital.
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Blaine and Itsuko Asato
1). Pray for our daughter who is having a difficult time making friend at he new school.
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Monina Davids . . .
1) - Please pray for my father who is back in the hospital in the Philippines; 
2).  Pray for Monina who has been called to rush to her Father's bed side in the Philippines.
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Aileen & Richard 
1) - Please pray for my Mother   St Anta who fell and broke her hip in New York City.  Pray for the restoration of her hip and her health so that she will be able to return to her work as a nurse and aid other in their healing..
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Seng & Sherry Young . . .
1) - PRAISE!  After almost three years, dealing with an incompetent attorney, lost checks (post 9/11), disputes with family members, and problems with accountants, work on my parent's estate is finally finished!
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John and Luz ...
1).  Pray for our daughter who just turned three years old.
2).  Pray for John's business Motor World that he will be able to buy his own building for Motor World.
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In His Service, 

Wall and Rosie 
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